In May this year, I decided to radically change my life. I decided to quit my studies and on the long shot quit my job and move to Australia. Today is November 9th, and here I am at my ‘home airport’ of the last 6 years. I said goodbye to family over the last moths, sold half of my belongings, went on the one or other side quest, fell in love, and learned that I hate goodbyes.

Why am I leaving?

I felt stuck. In my life in Amsterdam, in my job, in what I wanted and what I had. On paper, everything was perfect. Great job with a supportive boss, I traveled more in the last two years than ever before, it looked like I had settled in one of the greatest cities of Europe (fight me, Amsterdam is one of the greatest European cities).

Fast forward to being in Doha because Jeanne called and we had a lovely chat just before the flight 🙂

For a long time, my life was messy and I was directionless. Then I became very direction-focused. My dear friend Stella wrote a story for me in which she said that seeing my ‘neatly packed boxes’ (they were factually speaking falling apart before I taped them), was like an epiphany. Suddenly it became really clear that I am leaving my structured, direction-focused life which made sense (the job, the master, the progression) for the exact opposite. No plan, going with the flow (or Flo, who I still have to get used to), not knowing what the next 2, 3 or 7 steps will be. It’s a tiny rebellion against myself in a way, because I found so much comfort in the rigidness of structure. To make it short, I want to experience a different life than I have for the last years, and where would be a better place than on the other side of the world??

I actually had this plan for quite a while, after finishing school I dreamt of going to Australia but I didn’t have the money, didn’t have the courage, and it was not the right time to leave my family. When I finished uni, the same story repeated. Looking back, I am quite happy that I am going now, having a bit more of a developed frontal lobe and a slightly more reliable brain (somewhat).

The last few months, weeks, days

Honestly the last time I made a decision so upfront was when I decided to study in Groningen in October for the semester start in September the following year – if I could have however somehow joined the class of 2019 that year, oh I would have. So it’s a bit of a different situation. I decided in May, applied on the 30th of May (slightly hungover) and received my visa about 2 seconds later (I was shocked). Since then, I have told my boss, told many friends, actually left my job which included a month of unemployment in Amsterdam, traveled around a bit, kissed people goodbye, packed up my entire life, moved out, and got on a plane. In the meantime, I also went to some cool places (the order is not necessarily correct):

I know it doesn’t look like it but I also spent a lot of time in Amsterdam which I absolutely enjoyed.

On the day of the flight, we had a super cute breakfast together with pain en chocolate from my favourite bakery – funnily enough in my old house, which is now Lisa’s house and supposedly will forever be my house a bit. In the afternoon, we went for one last autumn run around Amsterdam, this city knows how to say goodbye ❤

Now I have one more, very long flight from Doha to Sydney and then I will be in Australia. I can check into the hostel from midday and I land in the morning (yippie), my only other plan is to join the Australian version of my run club tonight, so I will try to find some energy for that. Maybe I’ll take a bus to Bondi beach and lay on the beach and watch surfers 🙂

Some words to the “no plan plan”

The aspiration to challenge myself, my rigour, and spontaneity has already been mentioned. What is missing in the blog is what I aspire from this experience. The other day, when I had one mental breakdown after the other with my lovely friend Lisa, I wrote down what I would like to see from myself. I will not put the exhaustive list here, but I will try to come back to this “list for myself” every now and then. This is coming from the top of my mind right now since I cannot double check my diary. I want to be kinder to myself, say yes to more things and think in opportunities rather than limitations. Instead of not trying because I could fail, I want to try and believe that I will success (my friend Stella calls this “being delulu”). I want to be creative, and maybe I already am a little bit with this blog 🙂 I want to be free, but freedom in this realm needs to be defined a little bit. I aspire to be happy without depending on other people to do so. I want to be kind to people and cherish the little special moments. The list is much longer but enough for now, I will really try to check in on these every now and then – also to hold myself a bit accountable.

Peace out from the plane (how crazy that they have WiFi on these now???? AND IT WORKS!!!!!!)

All the love from all over the world, your Zoë